Family-Can't live with'em, can't shoot'em neither.

That's a phrase my aunt has told me many years ago and today it has shown itself to be a true. My mother is "not herself" and has planned a whole day of "not being herself." This I could hear in her voice. When I called my brother to alert him of that, he let me know that whenever my mother claimed to be going to a meeting (AA-Al-Anon) she really means a Meeting to get what she can't have. I had learned long ago that hope was something I could never have with her. It had been ingrained into me by her forceful actions. Now, again, she is letting me know by her slurred voice and unsteady movements that she is does not deserve hope. It will be wasted by her, because she is already wasted. I hate that she is like this, but I hate more still, that I allowed myself to be fooled by her. Shame on me.